if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
