oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
