I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize