For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
