whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
