Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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