Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
