If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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