Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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