dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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