If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
