To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
