Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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