feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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