Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Houston, we have a blender
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
