its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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