the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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