I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
