I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize