There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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