i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
