Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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