"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
