Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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