I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
