my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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