Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
