Farmville is her only friend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
