Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
