Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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