it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
