Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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