I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
