i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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