im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
