So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize