If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
