he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
