You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize