I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
