They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
