you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
