They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
