i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
