never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
