haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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