**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
