420 ftw
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sext me about skeletons
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
