remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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