he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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