I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
