I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my poor anus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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