My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
