I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
