How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
