flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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