I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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