he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
