I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My life is pants optional.
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