She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
