In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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