I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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