At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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