So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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