he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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