And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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