Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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