his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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