i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize