Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
