THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize