I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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