I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
