I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
