Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
