We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
