it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
