Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
