The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No stitches, just platelets and will power
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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