You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
