I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
