I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
