You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
