As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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