I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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