saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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