oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
