after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize