I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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