So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
