last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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