I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
