I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
