He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
