running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I could fuck to npr.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize