My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
