I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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