I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize