cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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