and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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