my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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