I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
