Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
