I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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