He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
