It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
